Crystal Clear Persuasion After the car wreck and two operations on her knees she was still having trouble with her back and her doctor wanted to recommend a surgeon for a possible ruptured disk but she said no, sir, she had had all the cutting she could stand just now, thank you, so for about six months she limped to work and cleaned tables and swept and put up the chairs with precious little relief until finally one night she showed up wearing a Vote for Dole refrigerator magnet stuck to her arm with duct tape and when we asked her what was that for she said she had found a doctor in K-town who said it was an indisputable fact that magnets could help take away the pain in a great many cases like hers and he just happened to have a few Magna Wave Miracle Bracelets on hand for only seventy-nine ninety-nine each which nearly gave her a hissy what with the forty dollars she owed already just for the visit and besides she had grew up in the Great Depression she said and it seemed a sin to pay hard earned money for something that wasn't even a precious metal so she reckoned she would just have to do without, thank you, but when she got home and reached for the jello Mr. Dole slid off the fridgerator door from the weight of four hospital bills and a Mother's Day card from her daughter and when she stooped down to pick Bob up she felt this sudden surge of magnetism shoot right up through her arm and into her back and it spread over her like a blue Valium so peaceful she broke into tears and thanked the Lord Jesus for the miracle he had brought to pass so when she went to bed she at first put on a sock with the magnet tucked inside which seemed to work fairly well for a while but later in the night the pain came back again so she got up and fastened old Bob to her arm like you see here she said and you can believe this or not but she had not suffered a single twinge of agony the entire weekend long and if Mr. Robert Dole was here this very minute she would kneel down and kiss his hero's hand and tell him if a man of his age could still reach out across the ether to a wretch like her who knows maybe Liddy ought to get some too James Lineberger |