Even though New York State had recently adopted a law which allowed abortion on demand, Cora was having a difficult time finding a doctor. It was Rachel's mother -- through her family physician -- who had found Dr. Lowenthal.
Gray haired and portly, he remained in his chair after her internal. Cora still sat at the edge of the examination table, in her green cotton gown. Her mother, who had just entered the room, stood by her side, listening, while the doctor explained.
"Now, how can I help you, young lady?"
"I want an abortion."
"First of all, we now call it a 'termination of pregnancy,' and the procedure you would have is called a 'saline termination.'"
"What is that?"
"You waited too long...."
"What do you mean, 'too....'"
"Now let me finish, young lady. A rubber glove like device is inserted into the uterus and then filled with saline. The saline is then released through 'fingers' around the fetus."
"Is that the only way? It sounds dangerous."
"Not if it's done in the hospital and by an experienced doctor."
Cora sat immobile throughout the doctor's explanation. She didn't remember getting dressed, leaving Dr. Lowenthal's office or going into the restaurant with her mother.
"You could still have the baby and live with me. We could raise it together."
"No, mom, no. I couldn't do that."
The woman at the reception desk directed them to the waiting room. Ten minutes later a doctor dressed in blue sterile garb, rolling himself along in a wheel chair, pivoted to where Cora and her mother were sitting.
"Did you check in?"
"No."
"Go to the front desk. They'll tell you where to go, and I'll meet you upstairs. Your mother will have to leave you now. Good-bye Mrs. Feldman."
Cora stifled the urge to laugh -- neither one had realized Dr. Lowenthal was a paraplegic -- but without hesitation, Cora kissed her mother good-bye, and picked up her over night bag.
"Cora, he's crippled."
"He has his hands, mom. Don't worry, It'll be fine. I'll call you later."
"I remember now, but it didn't register at the time. He stayed at the foot of the table after your internal."
"I'll be fine, I'll call you later, mom."
"Are you sure you want to go through with this, Cora?"
"I'm sure."
Unbelievably, they had put her on the maternity ward. When she found her room, Cora could hear the sound of babies crying.
"Excuse me. Is it possible to get a room on another floor."
"No, this is the ob/gyn floor."
Cora introduced herself to the woman in the next bed. Her name was Paula and she was "waiting." Before Paula could explain, a nurse with red hair, came into the room, and immediately handed Cora a hospital gown.
"Okay dear, now get on the bed, I have to prep you."
"Prep?"
She rolled over a small metal table and pulled the curtain around the bed.
"I have to shave your pubic hair."
"All of it? Nobody told me that."
"Didn't someone explain the procedure to you? I have to give you a mini-prep."
"The doctor explained, but he didn't tell me about being shaved. Could you tell me what happens after that ?"
As the nurse talked, she soaped up Cora's vagina, and using a straight edged razor, deftly scraped away her pubic hair.
"In a little, while you'll be wheeled to the operating room to have the saline inserted. Did someone explain that?"
"Yes."
"Fine, after the saline is inserted you're wheeled back here to wait."
Wait. There was that word again. That's what Paula was doing, "waiting."
"You can't get off the bed once you're wheeled back here. If the labor pains get bad, you'll just have to hold on for as long as you can. If we give you a sedative too...it could stop the fetus from aborting.
"Pain?"
"Yes, labor pains."
Before the nurse could explain any further, the orderlies arrived, transferred her onto the gurney and wheeled her away down a long corridor into the operating room.
A nurse with skinny lips strapped down both her arms.
"Hold on. I can't find a good vein. Make a really tight fist. Nope, no good. Let me try the other arm. I got one."
Another nurse, with short stubby fingers, lifted her legs onto the cold metal stirrups. Cora was shivering, and her arm hurt. Why did they keep these places so cold?
The swinging doors crashed open, a nurse wheeled Dr. Lowenthal in, his gloved hands in the air.
"Where's my money, young lady?"
"My mother has it. She may still be downstairs."
"I'll get it later. Let's get started. This procedure takes fifteen minutes. Nurse...."
The skinny-lipped nurse locked him into place at the bottom of the operating table. The doctor inserted the cold stainless steel specular clamp into her vagina, and tightened it. At first it felt like the beginning of a pap smear, but then the pain started.
Was he cutting her? Cora looked up at the clock, thirteen more minutes. He never mentioned anything about cutting. It felt like knives were piercing her abdomen, but when she lifted her head to look over at the doctor, all she could see was the top of his blue surgical cap.
Eleven more minutes. Cora heard a low, plaintive wail from inside the operating room, and then realized she was making the noise. As her moans became louder and louder, the clock seemed to get slower and slower. Seven more minutes.
"You'll have to stop making noise, young lady, you're distracting me."
Cora stopped for a moment, something had startled her, and then she realized the doctor was speaking to her. He wanted her to stop making noise. Can't stop. Cora started to make small, panting noises instead, noises she hoped the doctor wouldn't hear, because if he told her to stop she would scream.
Cora was sure he was sticking knives into her now. She looked up. Five more minutes, she couldn't bear this. Cora was shaking. Why was it so fucking cold? The knives were ripping her flesh apart now, she was sure of it. She was getting colder. Three more minutes. Then a sharp searing pain seamed to rip her in half. More knives. One more minute, fifty-nine, fifty-three, fifty-one, why is it going so slowly?
"Ok, young lady, we're done. Now that wasn't that bad, was it?"
She aborted the fetus twelve hours later, in the middle of the night. As the nurse had warned, she wasn't allowed any painkillers, but after three hours of active labor she screamed for help. The nurse, who came into her room, stood by Cora's bed for a few moments.
"Wasn't worth it, now was it, deary?"
Then she administered a shot of sodium pentothal, which sent Cora on a cosmic high to a glorious, pain-free world. While the attending nurse held her hand, the on-call physician performed the abortion.
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